I’m Sorry Old Friend

There are many things which once lost can never be recovered

And time, among them, is my most sought after friend

I have thrown him aside and found no benefit in losing his weight

My trudging forward growing only more monotonous in my disregard

I cannot retrieve what I have lost of him

But I can enjoy him to his full extent when my mind is clear

When my eyes are open

When my thoughts are sharp I can cut into myself

And pull out more than others do

When most would pull away from the pain I can push in

I can make up for what was lost

For the many scars others endured

I will endure deeper ones

For the drawn out pains they have bore

I will feel a burning harsher than they imagined

I will bring myself to an end

And will revisit it a thousand times until I look back on those far ahead of me

Until I blaze my own trail to death, I will not surrender

I will not be weak as I was

I refuse to march slowly now

Across the burning sands of this hour glass

I cannot throw time away again when I now harbor the realization

That I am bound within it

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